On this night my friend Allen Weathers, worship pastor at Turning Point Church, and I were at IHOP enjoying the java and conversation. Our server, we’ll call her “Lori”, was friendly and attentive. More friendly and attentive than most people would be at 9 PM on a Sunday night after working all day.

In the booth behind us sat three people. They spoke loudly enough that it was pretty difficult not to overhear. Their conversation was thoroughly “Christian”. The snippets I heard included everything from church issues to whether or not it’s ever appropriate for Christians to sue someone, to roles in relationships. I even heard a mention of “love languages”, a distinct reference to a popular Christian book by Gary Smalley.

After about an hour they left the restaurant. Lori went over to clean off their table. She picked up the empty plates and walked behind the privacy screen separating the seating area from the kitchen. From our vantage point, Allen and I could see behind the screen as a co-worker asked Lori how she was doing. In a sad and somewhat exasperated tone, she quietly stretched out a one dollar bill. “Those people all ordered food. They sat in my booth for three and a half hours. And they left me a dollar tip.”

I looked at Allen. “Did you hear that?” He did. We sat there, both boiling about the message that was just conveyed. Nothing like talking God stuff in front of your server for three and a half hours and leaving a dollar thank-you for her to remember you by.

And Christians wonder why the world has a negative opinion of us?

Over the years I’ve heard all the different viewpoints about tipping. Some people tip little or nothing because they think they’ve already paid a lot for their food. Some think tipping should be based on the quality of service. (Interestingly, those who hold that view usually have impossibly high standards for service.) Others just build a standard tip into the cost of their meal regardless of service. When I listen to all the different opinions, most of them end up trying to justify tipping less instead of more. An opportunity to be frugal instead of an opportunity to be generous.

Precious few people understand the nature of the service industry and how those who work in it earn their money. More often than not it’s a thankless job. Think about it. As customers, we sit down at the cafe with the expectation that the person waiting on us will be wonderful no matter what kind of day they are having. If the party before us was impossibly rude and stiffed them, we don’t care. We want prompt service regardless of how busy they happen to be. We expect our water glasses to be full and our coffee kept hot.

And we want all this service delivered by a smiling, happy person. If they happen to be having a hard day, we don’t want to know about it and we definitely don’t want to see it in their demeanor because we’re the paying customers and we’re not paying for anything less than delightful. And if our server fails us at any or all points, we will communicate our displeasure by tipping on a sliding scale that starts at cheap and descends to zero.

If you think that’s not true, if you think that’s too harsh, if you think our expectations are not one-sided then answer me this:

When’s the last time you said to your family, “We’re going out to eat. I want us all to remember that the person who will be waiting on us has a life just like we do. Working at this restaurant is how they earn their living. They might be having a great day or a bad day and we need to be understanding about that. Let’s be sure we do our best as their customers to make their day better and not worse. Be polite, be respectful, be friendly. And don’t leave a big mess for them to clean up.”

Um, yeah. That’s what I thought.

What if the person waiting on our table was allowed to extend service based the same expectations we have for them? What if our being rude to them meant we had to wait an hour before our ham and cheese sandwich was delivered? What if they were allowed to grant service only to the level of gratuity we planned to give them? I dare say some of us would still be waiting for the surf and turf we ordered in 1985.

It’s a fact. We have expectations of those in the service industry and more often than not, we don’t hold ourselves to the same standards.

Here’s my crazy idea. Whatever idea you have about tipping, if it’s anything less than “always be generous”, get rid of it. Of all the places to watch your pennies, tipping isn’t the place. Why? Because it’s a real person on the receiving end of that tip. Want to save money? Stop eating so many candy bars. Quit smoking. Buy wholesale or buy in bulk. Switch to a store brand. Use coupons. But don’t go cheap on the tip.

We can never go wrong being generous. When we’re generous we make someone’s life a little better. When we’re generous we help to make up for the cheapskate that came before us. When we’re generous we cause people to wonder about the Source of that generosity. Most important, when we’re generous, we’re following Jesus’ example. He generously gave everything He had because He loves us. Thank God He didn’t base His decision to die for us based on the quality of our service to Him.

Next time you’re dining out, be to your server the kind of person you want your server to be to you. Kind. Engaging. Friendly. Then throw caution and percentages to the wind and be generous with the tip.

And to all of us who claim to be Christian, from one believer to another…please, if you’re in a restaurant and plan to be cheap with the tip, then do the family of God a big favor. Talk about the weather or your work. But don’t drag God or His church into the conversation.

Your server can do without the mixed message.

“For God showed His great love to us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

“Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.” – John Wesley (1703-1791)

Todd A. Thompson – ASliceOfLifeToGo.com

(Every once in awhile I post a column that I have a fair idea is going to rile some people up. This may be one of them. For those I rile and for those who smile, the email address is: thompson1963@gmail.com 

Jack is what’s known in employment circles as “bi-vocational”. He teaches school and also pastors the church at Buffalo Springs Lake, just outside of Lubbock. Somewhere along about a year ago a pretty lady showed up as a Sunday visitor. She came back the next week and the next. She began inquiring about the pastor. Evidently she thought he didn’t look too bad all cleaned up.

They went on a date. Then another. And it wasn’t long before they were keeping steady company. Tonya’s beautiful inside and out. It’s easy to see what Jack sees in her. What she sees in Jack? I teased him that he better pull the trigger and propose before she went to her next eye doctor appointment.

She said “yes” a couple weeks ago. I called him last Tuesday and asked if they’d set a date. He laughed nervously and said, “We’re thinking about this Sunday at the end of church.” Telling only immediate family and a handful of friends, people they would need to pull this off, they put the plan into action.

Every once in awhile they do “Cowboy Church” at Buffalo Springs. A big potluck dinner with BBQ chicken and steak after the service. The place was packed, everyone sporting their Wranglers, hats, boots and pretty dresses.
After a great time of worship, Steve London recited a funny cowboy poem about how young cowboys grow up watching Roy Rogers and Tom Mix and they don’t need any girls around. The only thing they kiss is their horse. But then they grow up and discover a good woman and the horse doesn’t get kissed anymore. “You all know Jack and Tonya are engaged. And they want you to know that when they get married, you’re all invited to the wedding. And since you’re all here, why don’t we just do it now?”

The way the place went nuts you’d think someone spiked the communion juice. People screamed and shouted and clapped. I’d been keeping this a secret from my girls. Annie and Emma’s eyes were big as offering plates. Someone clicked on the music and the speakers lit up with “Goin’ To The Chapel”. The flower girl pulled a red Radio Flyer wagon down the aisle, carrying Tonya’s grandchildren tossing flower petals. Bridesmaids came out at random from the pews. Tonya’s Dad was prouder than ten peacocks walking her down the aisle. As he told me later, “This is every Dad’s dream wedding. All the fun and surprise…and the church feeds everybody steak afterward.”

The youth pastor superbly officiated the simple ceremony. Adding to the charm of the day, it was the first wedding he’s ever done. And I guarantee if he preaches another fifty years he won’t ever do one more memorable. Jack and Tonya got hitched. With only five days of planning, a simple lovely white dress, some yellow daisies, and a couple new pairs of cowboy boots. And everyone will always remember it.

Channel surfing later that night I came across a wedding reality show called, “Say Yes To The Dress”. The contrast was nauseatingly obvious.

“What’s your budget for the dress?”

“$15,000 to $20,000″.

15 to 20K? Really? You’re going to spend the equivalent of a down payment on a house you will live in for years on a dress that you’re going to wear for maybe 12 hours?

That logic makes me think I could start my own reality show called “Are You Smart Enough To Get Married?”

(If you’re wondering where I might be riling people up, this would be the spot.)

Americans spend way too much time and money on weddings. Months and months of planning and tens of thousands of dollars for one day that, if we’re honest, ends up looking like every other wedding that took months to plan and thousands to put on.

If I asked you to detail all the weddings you’ve attended, you’d be hard pressed to differentiate. They’d likely be an amalgam, a consolidated image of all the weddings you’ve ever been to. Guys in tuxedos and too tight shoes and girls wearing dresses the bride promises they’ll be able to wear again but never do. Unless someone faints on stage or the photographer goes National Geographic with the close up camera angles in the middle of the vows, there’s really nothing that sets one wedding apart from another. Even ring bearers and flower girls pitching a fit in not doing what they’re supposed to is as predictable as the feather on the guest book pen.

I’ve often wondered if we could put a dent in the divorce rate by taking half the time and money spent on the wedding day and investing in serious and extended pre-marriage counseling. It couldn’t hurt. Because the grandiose ceremonies and receptions certainly aren’t doing anything to make marriages last longer. My suspicion is that if couples spent as much time thinking and talking about what happens after the wedding as they do planning what color the ascots will be that they’d have a better chance of being together to celebrate an anniversary ten years later.

Weddings are important. God’s idea and illustration of His relationship with the church. Certainly weddings should be memorable. And that’s my point. The memories Jack and Tonya made for themselves and everyone else wouldn’t be any sweeter had they spent six months and thousands of dollars to plan it out. And what’s more important? A showy start? Or a faithful finish?

For those I’ve riled up, don’t worry. You may well have your revenge in due time. Remember, I have 10-year old twin daughters.

And you can bet for the next 20 years I’ll be reminding them how much fun they had at Jack and Tonya’s wedding.

(Yes, I said 20 years. That’s a column for another time.)

Todd A. Thompson – ASliceOfLifeToGo.com

An elderly woman took a seat nearby. It was obvious from the style of her clothes she wasn’t from Minnesota. I’m no fashion expert, but her long black dress appeared African or Middle Eastern. Large airports daily welcome international travelers. A person from another country is a common sight. Yet this person looked like a stranger in a strange place. She held her belongings close to her and tightly clutched her tickets as she stared at the scrolling red message board above the gate entry.

She looked my direction. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She held out her ticket, pointed to it and looked at me as though she wanted help. The ticket said she was on the same flight that I was on to Phoenix. But she didn’t speak English and I had no clue as to what she wanted, other than it was obvious that she was nervous and even a bit scared. I felt for her, but with the language barrier I was helpless.

About that time I noticed two sharply dressed African-American women watching us from their position in the duty free shop. They made a beeline in our direction. They blew past me as if I wasn’t there. One sat on either side of this elderly women and began excitedly chattering to her in a language I had never heard before. The old woman’s face lit up like Christmas in New York when she heard these two speaking her language. The three of them talked easily, like old friends, for 20 minutes.

When I sensed a break in their conversation I tapped one of the ladies on the shoulder and asked, “Do you know her?”

“No. But she’s from our country.”

“How can you tell?”

“By the way she’s dressed.”

I asked what country. “Eritrea.” Admittedly, my knowledge of world geography isn’t what it should be. But I had never heard of Eritrea. The lady informed me it had been part of Ethiopia but was now its own country.

Feeling ignorant and intrigued, I did some schooling when I got back home. Eritrea is a tiny country that for many years was part of Ethiopia in northeastern Africa. Originally settled by Italy several hundred years ago, Ethiopia colonized the area in 1952 and in 1962 forcibly annexed Eritrea. That sparked 30 years of civil war, culminating in Eritrea establishing its independence in 1991.

Eritrea has a population of about 3.4 million people. Ravaged by a long war, they are struggling to rebuild their infrastructure. Life there is much different than we know it. There isn’t a single cell phone in the entire country. For those precious few who have computers, only one Internet service provider. Their per capita annual income is $750. By comparison and perspective, the per capita income of the United States in 1999 was $25,518.

The gross national product of Eritrea is $760 million dollars. By comparison and perspective, in 1998 Americans spent $6.3 billion dollars on video games. That’s billion with a capital Nintendo.

We could spend all day flashing statistics verifying what we already know. The United States of America is the wealthiest country in the world. The money we spend on one form of leisure activity is more than the GNP of many Third World countries. The fact that we even have a category called “leisure activities” or “discretionary income” is proof enough that we are blessed with incredible, and to the rest of the world, unbelievable wealth.

Often, conversations about comparable wealth end up with one side making the argument that there is such a thing as having too much money. Those of a socialistic persuasion who believe the answer is to make everyone equal with regard to money might find it interesting that God doesn’t put a salary cap on earnings. Nowhere in the Bible does He say, “This much is too much.” King Solomon was wisest and wealthiest man who ever walked the planet. Solomon’s wealth would make Bill Gates’ Microsoft look like a struggling lemonade stand.

Free market capitalists who believe that the correct economic answer is the creation and preservation of wealth might find it interesting that while God doesn’t put a salary cap on earnings, He does hold everyone accountable for how they use their money. God seems to care more about our attitude toward money than how much or little we have. In God’s eyes, there is no such thing as insignificant income.

The first rule of money is as simple as it is true: God Owns It All. Solomon may have been a king, but when it came to money he was never an owner. He was always a manager. The same is true for you and I. Never an owner, always a manager. If we possess much, we don’t have the luxury of frivolous spending. If we have relatively little, we aren’t absolved from managing it wisely. God cares more about our attitude toward money than how much we have in our bank account.

Something I need to remember on this money making Monday morning.

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for He founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters.” – Psalm 24:1-2